I am back to my blog again and hope to make it a regular part of my week.  Would you join me and listen to what is on my heart.  It is nothing profound…just the things that God is putting in front of me.

What is beautiful?

This statement has challenged me more often than not.  I know what I consider beautiful but I often don’t know how to see in myself what beautiful is.  I know that sunrises and sunsets are beautiful.  I know that early in the morning before the sunrises and a full moon shines through the darkness, that I see the beauty in it.  I know that hummingbirds and Eagles and a family of deer are beautiful.  These are just a few of the beautiful things that I notice.  I know that my family and my friends are beautiful.

And I know my sister Leah was beautiful.

My sister Leah had stage four colon cancer.  She was diagnosed in July on 2017 at the age of 35.  She graduated to heaven on October 8, 2019.  My sister faced this diagnosis with trust and faith in God.  This is what she said to me one day in a message when I told her I admired her for the way she was handling her diagnosis and treatment.  “I decided from the first day of my diagnosis that I wasn’t going to let this determine who I am, because my identity is found in Christ and no one can take that away from me. When the oncologist told me I had a limited time, I said that I am on God’s time, only He knows my last day. He has a plan, a purpose, and it is a good one.  I can only hope that I can shine the light of Jesus on everyone who is going through a struggle whether it be health, money or relationship.  Everyone has struggles, their stuggles are just different.  My journey is this one, and I want to make it count.”

During the last week of her life I was visiting her in the hospital.  She had not woken up for a few days.  I had been sitting with her for about 8 hours.  Right before I was getting ready to leave, one of the worship leaders (Lisa) from the church Leah attended came in to the room.  She asked if she could sing some worship songs for Leah.  Of course I said yes because I know how much Leah loved worship and I also do.  I stayed a bit longer so I could listen.  Before she started though she put her hand on Leah and said, “Leah, you look so beautiful today”.  Leah’s outside appearance did not reflect what the world would consider beautiful because cancer had been fighting against her body.  She was skin and bones.  She had sunken cheeks, crusty eyes and chapped lips.  Her hair was thinning and her skin was dry.

But Leah was beautiful.

She was beautiful because she loved God and she expressed that through her attitude and actions.  She loved God by loving people and loving the life that God gave her.  She was beautiful because she loved her kids and her husband with passion, joy and committment.  She was beautiful because she lived the life God put in front of her with grace and peace.

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him.  The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them.  People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’” (1 Samuel 16:7 NLT)  Samuel was sent by God to the house of Jesse to anoint a new king.  He sees Jesse’s sons and assumes based on looks and stature that Eliab was the one. “When they arrived, Samuel took one look at Eliab and thought, “Surely this is the Lord’s anointed!” (1 Samuel 16:5 NLT)  It says that “Samuel took one look” at Jesse’s son.  He didn’t know anything about him other than what he looked liked on the outside.  But God tells him that He looks at our hearts.  And I am learning how to remember that God is the one who I want to please, not people.  It is easy to allow people to be put on the throne of our lives as our definition of who we are.   I am becoming more aware of how often I do that.  Let us put God back on the throne.

How wonderful it is to know that we can be assured that our beauty is not in how we look on the outside but how we look on the inside.  When we are filled with the love of God and believe and trust in Him and then in turn reflect that in the way we live, we are beautiful.

Leah was one of the most beautiful people I will ever know.  And because of her faith her husband wants to shine her example to her children by the way he lives his life and responds to people.  Leah has left a legacy for her family.  And because of her faith, she has left me with a new definition of beautiful.  Can you look beyond the outside of a person today and see the beauty they possess inside? In the comments below tell me what is beautiful to you.

Blessings,

Teresa

When you just meet someone you spend time finding out about that person a little at a time.  I think of the beginning of this blog like that…letting you in on parts of my life a little at time.  When I first began this blog…or when I first began to think about writing there were four areas that people wanted to hear from me on: faith, food, fitness and family.

I could write about so much.

But I think God wants me to share about food.  Not recipes yet…that will come.  Not about meal planning or grocery shopping or the art of creating a meal…that will come.

One of my favorite things to do is to cook.  When my son was small we discovered that he has a anaphylactic allergy to all nuts and his body has an intolerance to soy.  There is soy in a lot of things.  So I learned to cook from scratch. Cooking from scratch takes time.  But for me it  has become a way to decompress…to stand at the counter and chop vegetables, to stir and mix and create.  I love looking for recipes and planning meals and grocery shopping and the whole process of cooking a meal.   It brings me joy.

But for me food has been a battle for most of my life.  I had an eating disorder for more than 20 years.  I avoided food…ate too much food…emptied my body of food…I exercised when I hadn’t eaten for days and exercised fiercely when I thought I ate too much.  The eating disorder didn’t begin because I wanted to look a certain way…it began because I needed control when my life felt out of control.  And then it became a way to punish myself for the times when I just really could barely look in the mirror without cursing who I saw myself as.  And that is the raw truth. I still have days when I struggle with food—more than I would want to admit.  I was very blessed to have met a wonderful counselor who walked me through much healing.  It has been a long and hard road.  But God has used it so that I have a window in to other people’s struggles and have been able to understand where someone else may not have been able to. God is so sweet that way.  He really does redeem.

Food is fuel.  In fact in the dictionary in the back of my bible food is described as “something nourishing, sustains or supplies energy and vitality”.  I love to nourish other people…and I have had to learn to nourish myself.  The online dictionary defines nourish as  “supply what is necessary for life, health and growth, to cherish, foster, to keep alive” (dictionary.com). Food is necessary.  It gives live. It is meant to be cherished and foster us in to the things God has for us.  God gave manna to the Israelites so that they would have the strength and energy they needed for each day.  Jesus supplied food to the 5,000 so they could be nourished.  Food is important.

God created us with taste buds and a need for food and water as a way to sustain us–to give us energy.  The enemy has used food against us since the beginning. But God made us need food to give us life.

God himself is our bread of life–He sustains us. Matthew 6:11 says “Give us today the food we need.” We can trust God in all things even with food.

So sometimes when I cook and create and make meals and serve my family…I know God is giving me a gift.  A gift to learn to love food not just for others but for myself.

I look forward to sharing recipes and meal planning tips in the coming months.

Meals don’t have to be complicated…sometimes simplicity is the best.  But it is oh so fun to create a meal, sit down at the table as a family and share that time together.

And God is our redeemer.  He takes everything and uses it for His good if we seek hard after him.

We need to remember who God is and as we do we will see who we are in Him.

(An update on my daughter Madie for those of you who read my first post…she made a decision to go to the University of Colorado!)

My college aged son recounted his Physics test to me on Friday. In the middle of it the school had a fire drill…yes they still have those in college! He told me that when they came back in to class to finish their test he froze.  He said he couldn’t remember anything he studied. He was right in the middle of the test and when he returned to it, he couldn’t remember how to finish the problems in front of him, even the one he had already started.

Yesterday I began my day in His Word.  All week I spent time reading and studying His Word.  For the past 17 years I have studied and prayed and soaked in His truth.  I have walked through much in my life…pushed through some hard stuff…and held on to some of it way past it’s time.  I have learned how to fight back…how to lay things down…how to live in the truth and not in the lie.  But like my son, sometimes I freeze…I forget everything I have studied.  And when I do…I feel uncomfortable in my own body…in my own life and I can’t seem to remember how to fight and my mind becomes full of lies and I beat myself up.  And I end up crying and my husband wonders what is wrong.  I can’t always articulate what it is.  But my past and the lies I use to believe push their way in to the day and I freeze…I forget what His Word says…what the truth is.

When I woke up this morning…I realized what had happened.  The assault is usually on my identity…how I fit in to my family…how I interact and how I think people see me…yesterday it wasn’t about what I looked like…but that I am quiet and that I am not always the best conversationist…I don’t always have something to say.  This is how I see it and I know it isn’t how others do…but for me this is something that I combat way too much.  And I focus on it.  In my past…this was something that kept me from relationships and some people in my life that I admired said was a negative aspect of who I was.  I was too quiet…And froze.

This morning I began to remember some of the things I have studied…the things that I have hidden in my heart…the truth.  I begin to speak them to myself.  I saw the lie for what it was and spoke to it with the truth.

Two things that I am discovering is that when we know the character of God…who He is…what the Bible says about Him…we can see who we are in the light of who He is.  Knowing who God is helps us see who we are.  God is love.  God is forgiving.  God is big.  God gives grace.  God is patient.  God is kind. God keeps no record of wrong.  God rejoices in us.  God never gives up.  God is hopeful.  God endures with us.  God is a healer.  God is a provider.  God is a protector.  I could go on and on.  Because of who God is and that we were made in his image, we are a reflection of Him (unless you are a third grader in my Tuesday night program and he tells me that if we are reflection of God we are then the opposite…because when we look in the mirror we see the opposite…yes that happened last week!)  But we know that if we are made in His image we are loved…we are protected.  We have hope.  And so on.

God looks upon us and says that we fit where we are because He put us there…and because we are loved by Him.  What if I didn’t speak all day? God would love me any way.  He wouldn’t look upon me and think less of me.  He isn’t judging me and basing his love upon if I am a good conversationist.  yay!

Why do we forget and freeze sometimes?  I think we get caught up in the details and get confused and we can’t remember the truth because we are looking at ourselves…yesterday I was so focused on myself that I could not see God.  I could not remember all that I had studied…I froze.  My self became bigger than God…and how do we find Him when we can’t see Him?  How can we seek Him when we aren’t looking for Him but looking at ourselves.  Eyes on Him!  Thoughts on Him…conform our thoughts to His.

If I spent today regretting that yesterday was a stinking thinking kind of day…then yesterday would have won…but we know that His mercies are new everyday.  So today I got to live in the truth I remembered from my time studying His Word and live it out as best I could.

We can’t stay in the mud and muck…we get to remember His truth and look ahead to what is good. If you have days when you freeze…remember that His mercies are new when you wake up…or maybe right this minute…you need to remember who God is and who you are because of who He is.

God is good all of the time…even when we freeze.

Thank you to my husband for being so patient with me as I learn to walk through some of the things that seem to trip me up.  You are a wonderful example of who God is and I am so grateful.  Thank you to my friends that speak truth to me in love.  You are the best.

We need to be able to be real with out fear of being judged.  This is a place to be real.

Blessings.

I run.  Running is a time for me to listen to worship music or podcasts and exercise and move my body!

I ran a little when I was younger but nothing consistent.  In January of 2015 I went on my first run in years.  I could barely make it through a mile! But I realized that I could get up early and just head out my door to run before I went to work.  Pretty soon I was running farther and for the most part loving it!  I have run a handful of races ranging from 5K’s to a full marathon.  Running keeps me moving and I love that I can just head out my door for a run or if I am visiting somewhere I can bring my running clothes and get a run in.

There are many stories I could tell you about things that have happened during runs or races.  I will save them for later.  One of my favorites was from the marathon I ran in July of last year.  I will share that another time…stay tuned!

Today I ran a half marathon.  It was raining and cold and muddy.  I wasn’t feeling very good last week…stuffy nose and sore throat.  Part of me didn’t want to do it!  But  over the past few months the Lord has been shifting my heart on why I run.  Yes I run because it is a good form of exercise for me…but when I race I can be competitive (which isn’t a bad thing) but it has been very selfish and self seeking.  I have felt challenged by God to run for a purpose.

A few years ago my very dear friend Kiya asked me if I would join her in running with Team World Vision.  I had heard of World Vision of course but not Team World Vision (TWV).  TWV is an edurance division of World Vision where people participate in running events (and you can walk too!) and raise money for clean water for children in Africa.  In the past 12 years TWV has raised over $30,000,000 for clean water.  http://www.teamworldvision.org.

I have run for the past 2 years with Kiya in the Seattle Rock and Roll for TWV.  I didn’t raise very much money.  I didn’t really put my heart in to it or why I was partipating. But something shifted in me over the past few months.  I sense God asking me to run not for myself but for others.  Today when I ran the half marathon I asked people to donate to TWV.  And the race was so much more fun!  My heart was in a different place.  My focus was not on myself but on the children and what they go through each day.  Children walk many miles to get dirty water that is unsafe and unhealthy.

I think we can go through life and want to know what we will get out of doing something…how does it benefit me, what am I going to get out of this?  And there are times when that is not a negative thing, but I wonder if we could shift our thinking as we go about our day and consider how could what I am doing benefit someone else?  I get frustrated when things do not go my way and I make it all about me.  But what if I shifted my focus on to the other people involved and wonder how could I look at it from their point of view.  God asks us to give up our life…die to self and when we do that we get life!  That is counter culture…to give up of ourselves to put others before ourselves…to put God first.

I guess I have a little challenge for myself and for you as well.  Let’s be intentional about seeking the needs of others over our need to be seen or be right or to be heard.  Let’s stop and listen and figure out what others need and find out how we can serve them.

Running with Team World Vision has been truly a heart changer for me.  It has shown me that I can push myself not for the benefit of me but to give life to children…I can take the focus off of winning on to the needs of the kids.  My heart has been re-foucsed.

Leave me some commets on what you would like to see in this blog.  Cooking…family…fitness…faith…what would you like to hear about?

Welcome to a daily surrender…

My view this morning is not of home but of the University of Connecticut through the window of a hotel.  It is cold but sunny and the old brick buildings of the college sit with confidence in the small town of Storrs 3,000 miles from home. I am here with my middle daughter.  She was invited to an interview for entrance into their graduate/doctoral program in Audiology/communication disorders.  (I am sure I am not being accurate in the title!).  This has been a journey that I will talk about more in later posts…but today as I think about my first post here…about a daily surrender…I see how God has chosen today to be my first post.  My daughter has Asperger’s…it is a form of autism.  My life as a mom with her has been a daily surrender…of one that I had to leave behind my own expectations of mothering and embrace the unique and wonderful child God gave me.  I told her on our drive to the airport yesterday that she should write a book.  She has worked through hard stuff to find her way to today.  And she does it by doing the next thing…that next thing isn’t always an easy thing…or the thing that seems most appealing…but it is the next right thing for her life and she does it because…well…it is the only option to get to the next thing.  It seems so simple.  But how often do we avoid the next thing because it is uncomfortable or hard or scary.  How often do we just quit because we don’t want to face the fear of failing.  In just a few minutes she is going to walk across campus to a room of people she doesn’t know and a place she has never been to interview with doctoral professors and heads of departments.  That is scary.  You may wonder why I am not sitting with her encouraging her at this very moment…but her coping mechanism is not talk or interact right before a big thing…but to wait until it is over.  She just has to do it and then she can be free to exhale.  So I have learned to be silent and present.  It is different from what I want to do…but it is what she needs and who she is.  And at 4:00 tonight when she is done and we meet up again…she will tell me all about it and she will relax.  Expectations are a funny thing.  We place them on ourselves and on others and when they don’t match up we don’t know what to do…we can get defensive and annoyed and angry…but Madie has taught me to surrender to the moment and the needs of others over my own needs…and God will take care of the places that seem undone or unkept or that you are unsure of how to even navigate through them.  Life is so not about me.  Madie is brave.  She does that things she fears not because she is fearless, but because she knows it is the next thing to do to get her to where she wants to land.  I live in fear and avoid things because of it.  Madie has inspired many in her journey of facing the hard…and pushing through in the midst of it.  Go Madie!!  I know you are going to do great regardless of the outcome.  You did the next thing in the midst of fear!

I am going to go on a run while she conquers her fears.  It is so cold here (compared to my 45 degree rainy hometown).  It is 23 degrees and there is snow on the ground!  I don’t know this town or where I will go…that is one of my fears…the unknown…but I will do it anyway because if Madie can, I can! And I know that God will speak wonderful things to me in my quiet time of running today.  He is so sweet to me that way!  This is one of the reasons that I love to run.  I get to worship Him, His creation and hear His whisper as I move my legs and my feet hit the pavement.

This was not what I expected to write on my first post…but my hope was to get a post up while I was here in Connecticut.

My hope for this blog is to write about my faith journey…my love for cooking from scratch…how I have gone from running for myself to wanting to run for a purpose…and my journey as a mom and wife.  All of these things take a daily surrender…and as I continue to share what God places on my heart I will dive more in to how each of these areas in my life have been a journey…one that God has used for his good.

Blessings to you!  I can’t wait to come back and share more!